How We React To Adversity, Part 4
In a nutshell being in the survivor mode is unsustainable and a breeding ground for mistakes.
Research suggests, when we experience a significant change in our life like illness, trauma, loss causes stress beyond a point which can trigger in some of the ‘survivor modes.’
- Do you feel as if your ship is sinking or as if you are going down the rabbit hole?
- Are you trying to put one foot in front of the other just to keep afloat?
- Do you still feel you have no control over the situation?
- Are you trying to fix the next thing you don’t have space in your life?
- Has your world turned upside down?
if your answer to any of the questions above is ‘yes‘, I can tell you are not alone.
Let Me Tell You A Story
A few years ago, I had entered a cycle which was difficult, complex, chaotic and more to the point was becoming increasingly volatile so as it unfolded.
I am constantly faced with cancelling appointments, missing deadlines and making no progress. I have no medium- or long-term plan, infect, I don’t even have a short-term strategy. I am reacting to one challenge after the other and solving one problem at a time as they happen.
It is evoking unfamiliar, undesirable emotions, acting and saying things so uncharacteristic to me and people who know me. I am feeling overworked, undervalued and have no quality time with my family or friends.
The situation is slowly deteriorating, and I am on the verge of a catastrophe.
During a conversation with my father one day, something shifts in me, my ‘Eureka’ moment. That acts as the catalyst for me to evolve and rediscover my inner strength and my deeply inherent resilience.
Knowing the adverse effects the victim mode and the survivor mode has on us, let’s dive deep and see how to break the cycle and emerge from it unscathed or with the least damage.
The first step to break from adversity is to identify your coping habits which are being detrimental to your progress. If you are unaware of the zone you are in, it is unrealistic to get you out of the situation.
If there is one thing you want to take away from this, is to understand everyone fails, but the ones who seek answers and solutions become resilient. There is no miracle recipe or inborn gift, it is achieved with deliberate, systematic planning and taking actions with intention.
Learn to forgive yourself:
Forgiveness is really a gift to yourself – have the compassion to forgive others, and the courage to forgive yourself.
Mary Anne Radmacher
Failures are the stepping stones for success.
I call this…
Ten A’s System to Emerge from Adversity
- Accept: Stop complaining about the situation or people around you. You are part of the reason for creating this mess as anything else. You could use that energy to focus on how to turn the situation around plus to complain demoralises people around you.
- Acknowledge: Come to terms with the veracity of your position and that you have knowingly or unknowingly been part of the system of failure.
- Analyse: Comprehensively analyse the situation by exposing the underlying problems thorough scrutinising with a fine-tooth comb to identify the causes which led you this situation.
- Assess: Evaluate the current situation objectively to understand the extent of the problem.
- Attitude: Positive mindset is equally crucial as strategic planning. As quoted by Maya Angelou “Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it.” If you believe you will emerge from the difficult circumstances, you find yourself in and succeed you will.
- Apply: Use the lessons learnt, which would be valuable in your path to success.
- Adapt: Take control of the situation and do a course correction in the right direction.
- Acquire: ensure you obtain the necessary skillset and knowledge and any assistance needed to get the results.
- Act: Be intentional in the actions you take and be realistic about the outcomes.
- Ask: You will be surprised once you seek help. Many generous people are willing to lend a helping hand and resources available. All you need to do look for resources and ask for help.
By sharing this story I hope to help someone turn a page or even recognise it!
Continue to measure your progress and celebrate your success. Most importantly share your story, lend a helping hand, shine a light and give the ray of hope to someone else.
I believe in the words of Oprah Winfrey:
Anything you can imagine you can create.
Oprah Winfrey
Originally published in LinkedIn on January 3, 2019
